“Senior Arijit Trivedi has returned from his excursion to Mars, where he successfully planted a pineapple plant,” wrote senior online co-editor-in-chief Arijit Trivedi as he reclined in his weathered Ikea chair — he had a particular hankering for pineapples. “Arijit spends his time thinking about that one time he ran out of a dark room so fast he smacked into a wall in the hallway.” No...that wouldn’t be the best information to put in his staff bio. Besides, using “spends his time thinking about” was a full step toward cringeworthy. Arijit got up and went to his kitchen to dine on some pineapple. There he found his dog, Cosmo, eating pineapple on the table. It was an odd occurrence to most people for sure, but Arijit was used to it — his mom would regularly serve Cosmo fruit as he sat on the dining chair during supper. A look into the fridge confirmed Arijit’s suspicions: the last of the pineapple was currently being transported to his dog’s belly. Arijit snapped his fingers, clucked his tongue and returned to his desk to finish his bio. Spoiler alert: he— Contact at arijtrivedi22@scdsstudent.org.