Sometimes, the normal menu doesn’t cut it. That’s why we’ve sought out the secret menu items at popular places near school. These dishes don’t appear on the menus. Instead, they are passed on by word of mouth or over the Internet.
Exploring Jamba’s dirty side
I walked in and asked the man for a screaming orgasm. After paying and leaving, I realized that I was not satisfied. Mom, don’t worry; it’s not what you think. The “Screaming Orgasm” is actually an item on the “secret” menu at Jamba Juice. If the thought of more smoothie goodness than you ever imagined is getting the better of you right now, you aren’t alone. I, too, was amazed when I heard about the list. To see how good these secret recipes really are, I went to the Jamba Juice in Loehmann’s Plaza and asked for these three secret smoothies: Fruity Pebbles, Screaming Orgasm and Chocolate Covered Strawberries. As a cereal aficionado I had high expectations for my Fruity Pebbles smoothie, but it fell flat. It tasted like a sweet, creamy milk shake. It’s made with soy milk and lime, raspberry, pineapple and orange sherbets. I can’t enjoy smoothies when they are cloyingly sweet.
I had even higher expectations for the Screaming Orgasm, but, yet again, I was disappointed. It tasted like a Strawberry Surf Rider, a smoothie on the regular menu, and there was nothing unique about it.
The ingredients include peach juice, strawberries, mangoes, and pineapple sherbet.
My favorite was the Chocolate Covered Strawberries smoothie. It was rich and velvety and tasted exactly like its namesake. If you’ve ever had a Chocolate Moo’d, it tastes like that but with strawberries added. It’s made with frozen yogurt and strawberries.
Overall, I wasn’t really pleased with the smoothies I chose; however, these are just three of the many items on the list. To find other flavors, just look up “Jamba Juice secret menu list” and you’ll find Reese’s Pieces, White Gummy Bear, Skittles, Butterfinger and Pink Starburst just to name a few.
Nachos aren’t the big cheese at Chipotle
When I sauntered into Chipotle and ordered a quesarito and nachos, I expected the server to be quite confused. I have been to Chipotle hundreds, if not thousands, of times, and I had never heard of these options until the week before. Instead, the waiter nonchalantly prepared my secret items. In fact, the only way to visibly tell that I wasn’t getting something off the regular menu was the disruption it caused on the assembly line (chips and cheese had to go upstream). In my quesarito (a burrito wrapped in a quesadilla), I packed in my usual fare: black beans, chicken, mild and medium salsa, guacamole, sour cream, more cheese and, of course, lettuce. When I devoured my special creation, I was struck by the rich gooey nature of the quesadilla. The melted cheese was a glue that held everything together in a way my mouth just hadn’t felt before. However, the layer of melty goodness was far too thin for my taste, and after the first bite, which was mainly tortilla, the rich flavor of the cheese vanished, obscured by the smashed avocado and seasoned chicken, rendering it quite mundane. Overall, the quesarito was good, but not as good as the laudatory comments on the Internet had promised. (Yes, the quesarito has its own Facebook page that you can like. Fun fact: it already has over 1,200 followers.) My quesarito was rung up at the price of a regular burrito ($6.65), but others online said they’ve been charged the price of a quesadilla plus a burrito, making it either $6.65 or $11 depending on how the bill is rung up.
The nachos, on the other hand, were a major letdown. When one envisions nachos, yellow melted goop (the consistency of melted plastic) comes to mind. They’re just nostalgic.
However, the Chipotle nachos ($6.25) had no melted cheese at all. Instead, the usual shredded cheddar cheese was lightly sprinkled on top. Nachos should be about the cheese and the chips, and Chipotle’s are lacking in that department
In addition, the chips became soggy almost instantly, creating a very messy culinary experience.
My advice is to stick with Chipotle’s original fare. They don’t put much effort into their secret menu.
I can’t believe it’s not cocaine
For most teenagers, this mantra is one of the only truths in life: there is no God but Caffeine, and Coffee (or tea, if you’re one of those people) is His prophet. Understandably, one can get tired of the orthodoxy that comprises the menu at your coffee place, even with the seasonal drinks, so here are some suggestions that aren’t the usual fare.
While some of these drinks are originally from Starbucks, they’ll work at any coffee place. The first, and my personal favorite, is something called “Liquid Cocaine” (I highly recommend ordering this by recipe and not the name). The drink is four shots of espresso over ice with four pumps of white chocolate syrup mixed in. Like I said: cocaine, but not illegal. Of course, you can adjust the syrup to taste. But with four pumps, it’s pretty sweet. Masochists will find the “Red/Black/Green Eye” beverages a pleasant(ly excruciating), yet energizing experience. These three are just iced coffee with one, two or three shots of espresso added. If you’re strapped for cash and still want to experience the Green Eye, have a friend hit you over the head with a bagful of coffee grounds. If you’re in the mood for chai, but want a little kick, you can order a “Dirty Chai,” which is a chai latte with a shot of espresso. Theoretically, you can order more shots, but make sure it’s still chai with espresso instead of the other way around. Though Peet’s doesn’t have all of the tools to compete with Starbucks’s “breakfast milk shakes,” some creativity can still be managed. If you’re not very fond of sleeping, that is.